” “Why?” I asked. “I don’t know,” she said...”would you come with me?” I was flattered and kissed the top of her head. “Sweetheart I’m an old guy I would ruin it for you, just go with your friends.” She was quiet for a while and said “you are never that busy, you could still go.” So we decided I would shadow her down to Daytona and stay at a different hotel, a nicer 4-star hotel because I had done my share of stints at fleabag hotels. I took Kana to the Mal and we had a great night where she picked out a new swimsuit and shorts and sandals. Then we went to our Mexican restaurant and I got Kana loaded on strawberry margaritas and then we went home and spent several hours dressing her up in what we had bought and then fucking long into the night. I dropped her off at school the next morning, both of us severely hung over. The next Saturday was the first day of spring break. I watched Kana in her first-ever pair of cutoff jean shorts and a tank top as she tossed her duffel bag of clothes. She felt as if she were in midair, falling or flying, then. And shefelt as if there was someone who's thinking she could hear, or feel,or know. Then, instantaneously, with not transition, she knew shewould not disobey. She could ///remember/// being able to disobey,but she no longer could. And it was not even a realization aboutwhether or not she *could*, but rather the understanding that never inher life would she disobey her Master. But she had not wanted tothen, and was no longer capable now, and could not longer conceive ofherself disobeying. Freedom from his will passed entirely from herunderstanding and ability and desire and all her soul.Then there came into her mind another understanding, or rather, therepassed from her other knowings. Gone was the worry that she mightleave, gone the idea that she someday would not be his slave, gone theconcept of being not his, gone the idea of having an identity of herown. All questions of permanence fled: she knew she was oncesomething.
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